"Daddy" King -- MLK as a parent and the war on parents

My wife and I took our two small kids to the Norristown Public Library today. I must admit, I get nervous anytime I take my kids out.

Is everything in order? Do we have everything we need? The bottles, the diapers, the wipes, the cookies, the crackers? But there is always the thing I worry about that I can't control -- the behavior!

My son, EJ, is three and is very friendly. He'll go up to just about anyone at least once, and he's definitely at that age where you can't be sure exactly what is going to come out of his mouth. Parroting your parents comments might not always show you -- or them -- in the best light!

My daughter, Imma, is 15 months, and she is so aggressive. The doctor tells us that the clawing, scratching and biting is normal at this age -- but I don't know that it is ever socially acceptable -- at any age!

So, I worry -- will they be too aggressive, too loud, run too fast, fall too hard, spit too far???

And, frankly, my worries are often wrapped up in what the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr said powerfully as his desire that his then small kids, in 1963, would be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin.

I worry, yes, that in the "Boondocks" era of portrayals of black youth, and the notable stats on delinquency, truancy, teen pregnancy, and frankly life expectancy, that when folks see my kids shout, scream, cry, babble or boo boo, they are all too often being judged negatively, prejudicially.

But, the fact is that this is not just an African American problem -- it IS an American problem.

I caught a recent debate about the new MTV show SKINS.

The show has young teens doing everything we know they are doing (sexing, drinking, drugging) but we are afraid to deal with -- with them, and certainly not publicly.

I saw the stress in the library as white, Hispanic, south Asian and African American parents routinely admonished their children to well -- not be children. Don't run, don't laugh, don't fall on or over or through one another. Don't chase, scream, hit or hug anyone!

Rooted in the moment perhaps was the fear that MTV, or BET, or Facebook or Myspace or Twitter or the million things I'm not cool enough to even know about already are taking control.

Can I pastor a church, do communications for a large organization, sit on boards or serve on council when I know daily my kids character is being formed by a decadent and often degradable and degrading culture?

There is a war against parents -- and I sometimes fear I have already loss not just the battle to get the kids in the carseat, but the whole war.

If nothing else, I was encouraged again, not by King, but by his family.

His daughter, Rev. Bernice King, who has no doubt had her own challenges and struggles, commented at the recent King Day commemorative worship service at the historic Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, that her mom, Coretta Scott King was always proud that one of her greatest accomplishments was raising and loving her kids.

But she quickly added that most folks did not know that Coretta really had five kids.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

What is this? Some bombshell surprise 40 plus years in the making?

No not quite. The fifth child was the Martin Luther King Jr. Center for Non-Violent Social Change in Atlanta.

Amazingly, Coretta seemed to maintain as much love for her two daughters (one now deceased) and two sons as she did for causes like the King Center, which spoke to the social action to bring into being a society where each of them, along with EJ and Imma might be judged by character, and where such character is nurtured by caritas.

Caritas -- the Latin word for charity or love -- is the greatest, the highest of Christian, or theological virtues.

It is nurtured by deep practices -- practices that engender faith, increase devotion to God and others, and enable solidarity through the toughest, most stressful circumstances of life -- otherwise known as evil.

I can't say if a 15 month old biting a classmate, or a 3-year-old repeating some adult words, or some tweens having sex is evil, but I know a society already too ready to constrain, condemn, convict, commit, incarcerate and kill such youth is one we must constantly fight against, even as Dr. King did, with love.

So I let my kids play, be kids, explore. After all, everyone had to yank their kids up at least once, with a "love" hug.

Sometimes I never want to let them go, but I have to. And I hope, that with love, I will win this war on families with the same strength Martin Luther King called for us to love -- and change -- our children, our community, and our world.